What I Learned From Ballet Class
No, this is nothing profound and nothing to do with ballet in particular. It's more of my self-reflection which can also be deemed "thinking too much".
I can't remember the name of the move, but it is that move where you jump but one leg stays vertical and one leg kicks out to the side. I find that I barely get off the ground, let alone kick out one of my legs, for that move. I believe that is because I have an innate fear of taking big risks. It's nothing new; I do other things that also indicate such a reluctance, but now I have more confirmation. That is probably why I have no broken any bones or tried anything considered "dangerous". I sometimes nick myself with my reed knife, but otherwise I do not engage in anything that has high risk of causing bodily harm. Sometimes I get dizzy when I play the oboe, but I solve that by not playing until I get some air back in. Unfortunately my desire not to take risks does not translate into being careful with my hands. I still break too much stuff. And I lack common sense sometimes.
Senior Trap
I am totally not a senior yet. I have at least one year left of school. Try convincing my inbox.
Though I won't have enough credits to graduate after this semester nor have fulfilled my class requirements (need about 5 or 6 more classes), I have been hit by senioritis. Besides procrastinating a ton, I spend much more time in the research lab than in class or studying. Though sometimes I study at lab (I do lots of my German homework there), I spent about 5 hours there on Monday and 6 hours there yesterday and 4 hours today and I don't think I ever studied that much on a weekday last semester (well take that back, but on average I may have studied like 3 hours). And I know people who study for more than those hours every day and I just don't think it is worth it.
Despite enjoying my time here so far in college, I'm already ready to get out of here. I feel like I'm trying to fast-track my way through life...this sounds so morbid but maybe I want to die early too...
Narcissism
I am such a narcissist that it's not even funny.
I was up in the lab for 7 hours on Thursday (got back at 9:30 PM) and 5 hours on Friday and though it was incredibly boring to be filtering solutions for much of the time, I also found it very fulfilling to be reading real, published fiction (instead of fanfiction) that was written in a style meant to please (unlike "Monkey"). I also considered writing a whole story about myself where I would pretend to be all contemplative and shit, but I figured that might take too much time to write out. And I saw Pan's Labyrinth last night and loved not only the fact that the background of the movei was beautiful, but that I could understand almost all of the movie without the subtitles.
How is this narcissism? If you already figured that out, this part will be repetitive. Basically I'm being a narcissist in a non-sexual way. I am pampering myself, intellectually perhaps, more than I pamper anyone else. I spend more time thinking about how to make myself happy than about looking for someone else to find happy. I may check out people all the time, but I forget them as easily as I find them because they are most likely not like me. I find myself wanting someone who can understand all the jargon I throw around and understand (and perhaps join me as well) my obsessions with things like learning languages and Slavic people.
And this blog is another example of my narcissism, as if my life is the shit that everyone would want to read about (and that I can reread as many times as I want).
What You Shouldn't Do Before an Orgo Test
I was so sick of studying or doing any real work that I went and reread every single entry on this blog so far. Yeah.
The good thing is that I seem to have cut down on the whining and the capriciousness of my opinions. Maybe it is because I am maturing? I hope I am. After all, in a year and a half I will probably be somewhere outside of Michigan and truly on my own. I also hope that I am developing a stronger will. I like to delude myself sometimes and believe that I form most of my own opinions. But in reality I am more of a chameleon, trying to fit my surroundings. Of course there are things that I do that are in no way trying to fit in (like not going to parties and not drinking, for example), but I don't really go out on a limb. I don't think I should be actively trying to make myself feel uncomfortable, but I don't really challenge myself in anything except for academics. I need to go out more.
Random tangent. I still can't believe that I livestreamed from 9 to 5 today. And from 8 to 12 and 10:45 to 1 AM yesterday. I really can't do anything useful.
So I do have a goal of becoming more sophisticated. Short term I will be trying not to speak before I form the sentence in my head. That should help me improve my understandibility rate considerably. I also need to work on enunciation. I bet a computer is easier to understand than me.
Croatia Pride
Zdravo! Hello! I feel like I would remember more of the Croatian that I'm trying to learn if I used it more. But I don't blog in simple sentences, so I won't be writing entries in Croatian or anything. That would be pretty sweet though. If I could speak Croatian properly, like roll my r's and actually say č and ć differently and correctly, it would be sweet. Then I could go pick up some girls in Croatia...wait I mean guys too. It's just that most countries are known for their beautiful women and not their beautiful men. Girls, we need to write some "travel brouchures". Ahem.
I am happy that Croatia won their friendly against Norway 2-1. Niko played the full 90, supposedly. The livestream I was trying to watch basically died, so I saw little of the match. The team wore T-shirts with Ivan's name on it, probably wishing him well. Ivan Klasnic, a Croatian soccer player, is in need of a kidney transplant. Good luck to him!
The U.S. won their "friendly" as well yesterday. I watched the game live. Jonny B played well, though Convey and Deuce looked pretty rough. Those two need some more match play.
Sorry for the random diversion. I have also been listening to a bunch of songs by Vesna Pisarović. She's basically a pop singer that also sings dance music (because they all seem to in Croatia). I realized that my music taste is really softening up. I used to dislike stuff like this...well more like favor "harder" music (like Creed or Fuel). Now I'm not mainstream or anything, but stuff like Snow Patrol and Switchfoot are sort of lightweight in terms of rock, and those two are the English-speaking bands that I may listen to when I'm not listening to foreign stuff.
Damnit, I should have not taken German 102 pass/fail. I have like an A+ in that class. Oh well, I don't really need a GPA booster in a subject that isn't my major. I don't think those grad schools would care. Meanwhile I really need to do those assignments for Biochem. Bah.
Well, if you are still reading, that's pretty sweet. Hvala! Do viđenja!
Post Test Picture Spamming
I'm addicted to the sweet sadness.
I have this strange obsession with sad songs. Recently I can't stop playing "Yesterdays" by Switchfoot, which is about someone who died and the person left behind saying, "I remember you like yesterday." Before that, I have liked "Calendar Girl" by Stars in which the singer dreams that she was dying (though she doesn't want to die). Other songs include "Set Fire to the Third Bar" by Snow Patrol, which is just so damn beautiful you should listen to it like now. It's not really as "depressing" as death, but being far away from loved ones, etc., aren't very happy themes either.
The songs aren't emo or anything, and I am definitely not emo or depressed or anything. I just find the sweet sadness alluring. I also cry pretty easily, so I guess I like to let out those tears.
Meanwhile I have until Tuesday to cram as much biochem into my head as possible for the marathon exam. It sucks when you know exactly what you have to do, but the task is taller than the Sears Tower. It doesn't make it easier to not procrastinate.
